Love is not an emotion. It’s a decision, a commitment, a path filled with pre-decided thoughts. It is being genuinely joyful for that person even if that means having a genuine laugh with other people. It is loving fully without the guarantee of being loved back. There were two seemingly meant-to-be people but they aren’t and the so called ‘forever person’ happens to be not him.
When I remember him, I don’t feel the pain of letting him go and seeing him walk away, but instead, I’m thankful for that collision where our souls met and recognized each other despite decades of not knowing we both existed. Our souls recognized each other as citizens of heaven.
When I remember him, I don’t cry sad tears anymore. I see great things ahead – his own beautiful family, sincere laughter, triumphs, road trips and amazing future – even without me in it.
I pray that when he remembers me, he would imagine me genuinely smiling, enjoying life and he’d envision my bright future – even without him in it.
He’s got that special space in my heart and I thank him for everything, for moving on and letting go despite of how painful it is for us both. We did something shameless and blameless because ultimately, we did something that is now pleasing to God. He healed our hearts. He made us new. He made us whole. He filled our emptiness. Our hearts have healed. When it’s all complete, I’ll see him again in eternity and there, I’ll love him a thousand years more.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
She who wanders and wonders 
